Poetry reading kind-of-mood

Doris Kareva, my all-time favourite Estonian poet. Maybe i'll try to translate some of her creation some day.
Until then, something is available in English and French.

*
Üksinda
Kõik on liiga laokil Ja ei mahu
ära kuidagi see valu sinu sees
Mööda tube käid ja otsid rahu
Tõelist rahu leiad üksnes eneses

Kõik on liiga laokil Kogu maja
Pole jõudu otsast alata
Vist on veidi liiga palju vaja
Seks et iseennast salata

*
Into that awesome abyss
your word falls like stone
from the sensitive, succulent heart
of the fruit of life.

Circles fade on the surface.
And out of the depth of truth
a tree will rise - full of fruit
that tastes like a riddle - or love.

*
Et les cloches sonnaient ; un mois de juillet
divin touchait à sa fin. Ta bouche
bougeait, parcourait mon corps
comme un agneau égaré,
tantôt broutant l’herbe brûlée,
tantôt bêlant : reste avec moi !
puis s’arrêtant, pressentant un danger.

Je le crains, nous ne nous verrons plus.

Je le crois : nous ne nous croiserons plus.
Nuit sous les voûtes envoûtées.
Les ponts ont été incendiés.
Je le crois, je le crains : ces lèvres
tendres et vivantes comme des plaies
me toucheront encore dans la mémoire,
à jamais me poursuivront.

Et les cloches. Qui sonnent et sonnent.

In Memoriam Lennart Meri

Lennart Meri, President of the Republic of Estonia 1992-2001

He was universally welcome as a stirring speaker, conversation partner and decision-maker. He seemed to be "bigger" than his tiny country: in world politics dominated by great powers he had taken on the task to speak for the pivotal role of smaller nations in shaping the international environment. Lennart Meri's presidency made Estonia as it was upon the arrival of the 21st century, and moulded it into what it is now, AD 2006. He devoted even his post-presidency years to working for the benefit of the state. It was all part of his "Life lived for Estonia".

He passed away on Tuesday, March 14. They say that irreplaceable people do not exist, but i think he was one. There is a gap left that no one will ever be able to fill. LM was sort of the common sense and the conscience of the nation.
We will always remember you...

Sinilill, Leverbloempje, Liverleaf, Blåveis...

...Hepatica nobilis, Anémone hépatique, Leberblümchen, Blåsippa, Blå Anemone
I've put up a picture of my favourite flowers here, although it's still only a wishful thinking. They bloom in time of my birthday, the end of april. Memories of the childhood... as well as the main reason why i love my birthdays so much, in case you were wondering :)

Every year, the day before my birthday my dad would go and pick those little wild flowers in the forest. In the morning of my birthday my parents would sneak into my room bringing the presents. I always pretended to sleep, but actually it was so exciting that i had to hold my breath. They left quietly and i could open my eyes. Well, yes - the presents were the best part of a birthday back in those days. But i can't remember any gifts from that time. I do remember a big glass bowl full of the flowers, the scent of which filled the air in a matter of seconds. This memory is something that is there with me on my every birthday ever since.

We lived in the city and my dad had to take a train to go to the forest outside Tallinn. Makes it all the more special. When i grew older, i would join him. Sinilill is usually one of the first wildflowers to show up in the spring, so there was still snow under the trees. I had to wear rubber boots not to get soaking wet. But birds were already singing, the smell of spring was in the air. Sun was still low in the sky, but it was enough to warm up a big stone where we sat down and ate our cheese sandwiches when we needed a little break. And the trees were not green yet, so sun was shining really brightly through the buds in the branches. After 6 months of winter, actual sunshine can seem like a miracle.

By the way, if you know the name in some other language, you're welcome to post it. Because i want to know if it can sound better than 'sinilill' in any other language :)

'sinilill' means simply 'blue flower' in Estonian

I went on a course. Learning to love yourself. I came top*

I took Marion to see the pond last Saturday.

It was almost as magical as on the evening that i saw the whole thing for the first time. Marion was thrilled. We spent hours there, sliding on the ice, falling down occasionally, laughing like crazy. The waltz was playing again and i tried to teach Marion to dance, but i guess it might have looked more like a little and a big bear wrestling... Of course we had to feed the flock of lethargic-looking ducks - and i didn't even think about the bird flu threat.

Funny, a couple of tourists took photos of us having fun. I can imagine them back home, explaining to everyone how this was the natives' traditional winter activity, haha! Tourists, really...

When we got tired - or should i say, when i got tired - we climbed up to the Dome Hill and watched the sunset from the viewing platform. It was crispy cold, but rooftops were golden from the setting sun, air was pure and clear and the clouds were painted in rainbow colors... We saw some ships sailing out to the sea and the whole view was absolutely picturesque. The cosy little cafe in a medieval building where we stopped to drink a cup of hot chocolate before walking back home was every bit as fairytale-like. I felt very happy. Sometimes it takes so little :)

* you may hear my Coupling quotes a lot in the future. It's the most brilliant (ok ok, one of the most brilliant) British TV comedies ever made. Trust me on this, will you?

Picture was taken in January in Pärnu beach - the frozen bay

Selling pilgrimages over breakfast

The other day i went to a presentation of a new management training programme that's carried out by our competitors. I must say, it's really an interesting business to be in, especially when you get to see things like this.

First of all, the presentation took place in this cool and hip place called Cafe Moskva. There are only brunettes on the ground floor and upstairs only blondes - i'm talking about the waitresses in this place - but naturally they all look gorgeous in their belt-like shirts and high heels (you guessed right, it's my pure envy talking now). So the second floor lounge was full of VIPs, sitting comfortably on the sofas, enjoying excellent coffee and luxurious breakfast. Lights were dimmed and flamenco was playing on the background.

Then they started. The essence of the programme was a pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela, combined with some kind of management training which was left unspecified until the end. Maybe it wasn't that important or maybe they we trying to conceal it from those nasty sneaky competitors who are lurking everywhere :) Anyway, the trainer introduced the programme and spoke very passionately about her own suffering and lessons in the pilgrimage. A good story-teller, really. But then at one point she suddenly stopped and looked us with an expression on her face that said: "Now you're in for a real treat!" and continued: "I just have to quote someone who has been my spiritual guide on this road - Paolo Coelho!"

I felt nauseous. Here we go again! I'm so sick of people saying "What would Paolo do?" and stuff like that. True, i have only read one of his masterpieces but i think it's more than enough. In my not-so-humble opinion, this is the result of all those reality shows and talkshows that make people numb, so ignorant that they need the meaning of life to be chewed through and fed right into their throats. Disgusting, you say? Yes, it is! But in a way it's still good. Authors like Dan Brown and Paolo Coelho (with a little help from Barbara Cartland & Co) are probably the only obstacle in some people's relapse into illiteracy. So all good.

Back to the pilgrimage. She continued talking but i didn't really listen anymore. Instead i was people-watching because i needed some feedback. Some looked really sarcastic to my relief. Some were discussing their possible participation in the pilgrimage and how "deep and meaningful" it would be. I think some were actually taking a little nap, and can you really blame those poor exhausted executives for dozing off, or maybe they were meditating. I was looking at the crowd and thinking to myself that it's a hell of a business idea, charging them around 1000 euros for the privilege to starve and walk dozens of kilometres per day in a pouring rain or burning sun. I'm not denying that it's a good way to test your mental strength and survival skills that managers undoubtedly need, but does it have to be done like this? It felt weird to realize that times are changing and we're now in a business of selling pilgrimages over breakfast. Sounds almost like selling modern day indulgences, wouldn't you agree?

Still. There were some ideas that stood out for me. When she described her first real experience of praying (whatever it means), i thought to myself - most people never pray. They beg. There is a big difference. I'm not religious but i think i know what the difference is. Secondly, and this may have been one of Coelho's ideas but it doesn't matter: You get everything that you give up. But the thing is, once you have given it up, you don't want or need it anymore. So what's the point of getting it later...?

NB This picture is here especially for Tûba ;)